we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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