i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
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