so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
