everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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