you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
