I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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