Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
