is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
