allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
