Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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