I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
