thus making me awesome and them whores
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
