If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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