Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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