Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
