it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
