i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
