I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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