I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
