I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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