You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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