I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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