I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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