when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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