he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
