i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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