hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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