Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
