I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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