Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
