Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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