It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
