I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
