butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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