can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
