Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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