I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
