Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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