So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
