Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
