if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
