he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
