Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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