I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
