You just made me feel so damn special
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
