My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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