John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Randomize
