She announced her abortion via fbk
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
