you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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