Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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