I CAN MOONWALK!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
