and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
