Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
