Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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