His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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