my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
