How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
