i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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