john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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