No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
