with your own penis?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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