Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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