I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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