i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
