Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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