is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
3 2 1 whiskey
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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