I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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