does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
