So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
