We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
