Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
