btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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