I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
