you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
