Michael Bay diarrhea
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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