I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
did you just send me my own nude
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
