I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Ambien. No doubt about it.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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