you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just found puke in my bra..
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
