i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
