It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
